 03/09/2008 Don’t you just hate it when you’re invited for a night out, don’t turn up and then hear that it was bloody mental? Well, actually, Planet Notion wasn’t invited to the GQ Awards, but we heard it was bloody mental. The b******s!
Yep. It was all to do with the choice of co-hosts.
Ingredients: Take one fiery mouthed, heavy drinking, platinum selling songstress and lightly boil with a fiery mouthed, former heavy drinking, platinum selling, chubby homosexual. Watch sparks fly. Enjoy.
We’re talking about Lily Allen and Sir Elton John. Obviously.
Apparently, Lily was downing the free champers like a desert rat and steadily getting drunk. We say apparently, but we’re almost 100% sure it’s true.
As the songstress announced “and now the most important part of the night,” An agitated Elton quipped: “What? Are you going to have another drink?”
A ridiculous question, granted, but a highly amusing one given Lily’s tendency to snap like a crocodile with small-man-syndrome. “Fuck off Elton,” the LDN singer roared. “I’m 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!”
It was here that Elton showed the spiteful side we’ve come to know and love; that bitterness that attaches itself to men who wear ridiculous glasses, don dodgy ginger wigs and have enormously large paunches. “I could still snort you under the table,” Elton retorted.
Things went downhill from there. Lily hit back with another “F*** off” and denied any involvement with the choice narcotic - before announcing her brother Alfie’s engagement to Jamie Winstone, daughter of actor Ray.
Not the best of decisions when you’ve got the world’s press in attendance and an instruction not to mention ‘marriage’ in any capacity. Although, that's like telling a 4-year-old kid that you were checking that woman’s ‘thing’ for leakages and not to say a word to mummy…
Oh ye gods!
If Planet Notion fails to get invited to next year’s GQ Awards, we’re going to smear ourselves in fox’s dung, barge our way into the ceremony and take a massive dump on the table of the Maverick Award winner. This year it was Mark Ronson.
GQ: You have been warned.
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