21/08/2008
I didn’t see the first Hellboy. I heard it was pretty good and that Ron Perlman stole the show with his performance as the films namesake, a demon raised by some old dude in like, World War II. We learn a bit about his childhood in the second movie, the one I’m writing about, but the good thing is that they don’t go into overkill. You only see Hellboy as a kid at the beginning so you don’t get pain in the arse flashbacks all the time and the film runs quite smoothly. The weird thing about Hellboy is that he kind of reminds me of the great poet-laureate of down-and-out LA: Charles Bukowski. Hellboy, like Bukowski, drinks shed loads of beer and smokes all the time. He looks a bit like Buk as well. I don’t know if Hellboy’s an alcoholic or not, but he’s definitely verging. The writing’s on the wall, as they say. If you work in the media industry it’s a similar scenario, except we smoke roll-ups whilst all the City Boys walk past us smoking big Havanas and talking on their Blackberrys. They go home to expensive wine and we go home to cheap scotch. Hellboy smokes cigars too, but unlike the City Boys he looks good smoking a cigar. Big and tough with a massive fist. All Hellboy dreams of is being accepted by the world and not being looked at as a freak. Although, if you're a big orange guy from the fiery gates of hell, you're hardly going to be first on everyones Christmas list, even if you are a pretty cool cat. Hellboy II: The Golden Army was directed by Guillermo Del Toro, the same guy who directed Oscar award-winning Spanish film: Pans Labyrinth. Just like Pans Labyrinth, Hellboy II features some of the coolest looking freaks you’ll see on screen. Abe is a kind of merman type guy, who was apparently in the first film. He works with Hellboy for the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defence (BPRD) along with Hellboy’s missus, Liz, played by Selma Blair. She’s like the Hulk except when she gets angry she bursts into flames and causes explosions and stuff. The plot revolves around some elfin guy called Prince Nuada, played superbly by Luke Goss. He doesn’t look very hard but he’s pretty handy with a sword and wants to destroy mankind by summoning an unbeatable Golden Army of robots, so I probably wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire and I definitely wouldn’t invite him into my (parents) house for a cup of tea. I found myself strangely attracted to his sister, despite the fact that she’s really pale and has scars all over her face. Is that really wrong? My favourite freak was the German guy brought in to control Hellboy by the BPRD. He has to wear a special suit because he’s basically made of gas, which sounds a bit wank but is actually pretty handy. It means he can float into keyholes and machinery and stuff and work them. The tooth fairies are pretty cool too because they have sharp teeth and eat peoples bones and there's a scene with a giant plant that picks up cars and throws them at people. Hellboy II is jolly good fun and features a few very funny moments. Go see it. Eight out of ten. Dangerous Dave
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Universal Pictures) is in cinemas nationwide now. |
